Little Kids, BIG Emotions

Kristina Davis
Feb 8, 2021
4 min read

Oh yes-meltdowns! This kid is the king of meltdowns. When I spotted this shirt on Groupon, I couldn't pass it up. As frustrated as I get when he wants to be held constantly, follows me around whining and biting when he doesn't get what he wants, I know he is navigating being a 19 month old. I can only imagine what he may be thinking at times...

"Sometimes they tell me yes and sometimes they tell me no when I ask for a snack. Sometimes mommy will hold me and other times she gets frustrated when I say "up-up!" Daddy leaves sometimes and I don't see him all day. Sometimes my mommy takes me to grandma's and I don't know when she will be back. Sometimes my teeth hurt but I don't have the words to tell them that. Sometimes my brother lets me play with him and other times he gets mad when I take his toys. I am not bad, I am a toddler!"

The behaviors are ten-fold when the child can't communicate. One of the first things I hear from parents when beginning speech therapy is that the child is frustrated! And frustration leads to behaviors. Unfortunately communication doesn't happen over night so sometimes the behaviors get worse before they get better.

Here are some strategies:

Teach simple sign language such as yes, no, more, all done, stop, mine, eat, drink
If the child is having difficulty with signs, introduce a visual board with the same words.
Make a picture book of the child's favorite items-it really IS as simple as it sounds! Take your phone, take pictures of objects and people that are part of your daily routine, print them at Walgreens (or wherever your choice place is!) and put them in a cheap Dollar Store album. VOILA!
Use pictures of the child (or google images) to demonstrate emotions
Acknowledge the child's feelings-"I see you're mad right now!"
"Show me"~ try to allow the child to show you what they want. Let them know you understand them "you're telling me you want a cookie," even if you can't follow through. "It's not time to have a cookie right now." Offer an alternative-"You can have an apple or we can play blocks."

Talking about and acknowledging your child's emotions, whether they are able to communicate them or not, is a key component to behavioral regulation. Fortunately, there are SO many books out there that help us teach our kiddos how to communicate and tell us their feelings. Here are some of my personal favorites but don't let this list limit you! You can also create your own book of family members showing different emotions.

I like to introduce these books when the children are calm! They are not able to learn and process when they are frustrated and upset. After a lot of repetition, then we can utilize them when they're upset and use prompts like "how does Little Monkey calm down?"

We also pair these books with a calm down area. Well it started as an area and progressed to a basket of STUFF. I like this because I can carry the basket to different rooms and do not need to worry about handling a kicking and screaming toddler! *Please understand, this is not time out!* I am present with my child while we are calming down together. Because let's be honest, when they are in a mood, it is frustrating to us too! I started popping some bubble wrap the other day and it made me feel much better!

Here are some of the things we have for our calm down area/basket. I typically give a choice if we should do a calm down activity. Depending on the level of anger at the moment, he may say yes or no and start throwing things at me. It's the truth #realmomlife. I do not force him to choose an activity. I simply start doing my own thing. Recently I started popping the bubble wrap while Nolan (4) was kicking and screaming on the floor, and he calmed himself down and picked a book for me to read and then began exploring some of the items while I read the book. It felt like magic! Now complete disclaimer, I have not started this with my younger son (19 months) yet but he does enjoy the items also.

One piece that is missing from this graphic are the visuals I use. I have pictures for calm down choices, counting 5 breaths and emotions.

One more disclaimer~The activities in the basket are (pretty) strictly for the calm down area. If kiddos are able to play with the items all the time, it's not as likely that it will serve the purpose you want.

Here are some #affiliatelinks to some of the products we like to buy for our calm down area!

**The Dollar Store and Target $1/$3 bin is also fantastic for finding items!! We have a few puzzles in ours too.

Sensory Water timer

Theraputty with hidden objects